apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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