How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
