She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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