U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
