you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
