***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
