The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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