he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
