'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
