did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
