Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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