So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
