I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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