u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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