My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We left an ass print on the piano.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
