that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
