Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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