matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize