i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
