you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think my moral compass just broke
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