but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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