She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
