bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
