Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
high people should be assigned attendants
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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