I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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