They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
