SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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