I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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