Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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