Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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