Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
