I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
