I can tuck mytits in my pants
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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