Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
