I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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