I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
