I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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