i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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