I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
