I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize