I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
