Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
