I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
