I'm really into asian looking animals
Pants 0. Shit 1.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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