I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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