Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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