I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
