all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
