She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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