so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
