Will you blow on my dice?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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