you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
