the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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