his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
