seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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