Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
