I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
