@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
