I accidentally had phone sex last night
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
