Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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