its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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