Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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