you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
