So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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