You really coming over, don't trick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
