It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
