did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she looked like the before picture.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
