Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
birth control should be required to get into college
Come see our sink grown plant.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
