Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize